Geez Folks, thanks so much for this thread. I haven't laughed so much in ages. I feel MUCH better now about my own "lessons".
buzzy110,
Oct 23, 4:21am
When using a chainsaw to prune a low wayward branch do not, I repeat, DO NOT under any circumstances stand below said branch facing the tree trunk. After you come too and want to finish the job by cutting the next branch up, even though your head hurts like the proverbial and has blood pouring out the gash into your eyes, DO NOT then sit on that branch facing the same trunk and cut the branch because when you come crashing to the ground for a second time your neighbours will be unable to stand unaided or see through the tears in their eyes and will be completely incapable of rendering assistance.
jules.,
Oct 23, 4:59am
when building a new garage, do not invite friends to help and have a 'few' beers before you pour the concrete floor for the new garage. then dont have the same friends back the next day when the concrete is dry, have a 'few' more beers then build the new garage. this will only end with the garage being built facing the house with only a footpath in between, the car can not fit up the path let alone into the new garage!
now one of my work mates has a brand new garage that he can not get his car into :)
camino,
Oct 23, 2:28pm
Never build in 30 odd degrees! Hubby found out the hard way that heat exhaustion and sun brain really does exist.He spent days working non stop putting in the piles for our new very extensive terrace only to run into problems when he started laying the bearers. Nothing measured right no mater how many times he re measured and re measured. Not wanting to inflame him further I decided to keep well away from his project but I could spy with my little eye what his dilemma was! According to him, his tape measure had some how' shrunk in the heat 'of the day and he was measuring 2020mm instead of 2200m.Needless to say he was one unhappy camper when he had to set about dismantling all that hed done, digging up piles and basically rebuilding the entire deck from scratch. To add to his humility his Dad turned up but at least he had a 'fresh brain' to sort that 'shrinking' tape measure out! To this day he still cant understand what he did wrong but we do have a laugh about in now and then!
evenmore,
Oct 23, 5:27pm
on the last page many lessons to learns
buzzy110,
Oct 23, 8:53pm
Do watch where the lawnmower, that refuses to start, is creeping to every time you yank at the cord to get it started. Don't let it get so close to the concrete block wall because at some stage, when you yank at that cord in frustration you will smash your elbow hard, on the wall. When that happens, don't run inside and ring up your husband who is not even in the country and call him every bad thing you can think of before storming off down to the mower shop and buying a new one. The cost of the phone call alone will equal the cost of the new mower.
cgvl,
Oct 23, 11:49pm
oh Buzzy the cahinsaw one brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't see to read it for laughing thank you
hanmer,
Oct 24, 5:02am
our friend got a quote to have a tall tree chopped down.it was going to be 800. no way was he going to pay 800. do it myself.it cost him over a 1000 to have the tree lifted fm the now broken guttering and bit of roof!
rhos1,
Oct 24, 5:04am
ozcelt and buzzy - the first time I came across this site my partner came running to see what was the matter - I was crying with laughter! Keep it going I say! People are such sports to tell these experiences against themselves. I've passed it around my family and friends as well. The world needs it!
pico42,
Oct 24, 5:06pm
When doing some landscaping work, make sure you have got all of your tools put away - even the good chisel and hammer sittng on the bottom railing of the fence - and especially if you have given up on that project for the winter. found them yesterday afternoon when I finally got back to this project - two rusted messes.
masturbidder,
Oct 25, 2:04am
Don't wear jandals when waterblasting. Pointing it downwards is like hitting your toes with a hammer!
masturbidder,
Oct 25, 2:05am
Bang (again) 951 !
masturbidder,
Oct 25, 2:06am
Yay, page 20. can we make 1000!
buzzy110,
Oct 27, 12:24am
OK. I have another. Never be tempted to use one of those 'golf balls on a string' gadgets to practise your golf swing with. One day you will have a perfect shot. It will take precisely .99th of a second for the ball to reach the full extent of the swing, go into a perfect arc and before you have finished your follow through it will have swung around behind you and zeroed in on the back of your head withthe unerring accuracy and speed of a well trained sniper's bullet. The period of time you will spend unconscious is entirely up to how thick your head is.
hobbitelf,
Oct 27, 2:51am
. bump
whitehead.,
Oct 27, 3:37am
husband tied a winch through the basement window and round the cloths line to winch a car up a steep drive got half way up and the cloth line came out of the ground after it had bent in halfit cost him a new cloth line
camino,
Oct 27, 5:07am
Keep men away from machinery! Hubby refused to believe me when I told him old houses dont like being water blasted. Armed with his powerful machine he merrily blasted away 40 odd years of grime from the exterior of our house. In the process he managed to spray every room and its many assorted contents with dirty water, paint chips and muck. We have just spent 2 years totally renovating the inside, new carpets included!.
mohaka,
Oct 28, 6:51am
When water blasting on a hot day and you're feeling thirsty,don't try and take a quick drink from it.Some serious oral/dental damage results.As my mate told me while contracter on a building site,seeing the results of a young lad having a drink after lunch.
reddelish,
Oct 28, 6:15pm
when telling someone to remove a cupboard make sure you're both talking about the same cupboard! Day 1 of reno and a cupboard we wanted to keep has been completely demolished and the mouldy, damaged one we need to lose is still in place!
skin1235,
Oct 29, 1:13am
the newly sharpened chainsaw was just blowing dust so back to the new to the stable of mantools electric sharpener ( 4 inch disk type) magic tools, figured the depth guides were now a bit high as the teeth all had good edges so set up the machine square to the chain and set the depth to take 'a little bit' off each. Do not do this, repeat do not do this, for if you do it will rip at least 2mm off the guides in a blink and you will spend the rest of that chains life trying to lift the bar out of the cut, it will cut alright but stall the chainsaw if even the weight of the saw is allowed to rest on the chain. anyone know where I can get a new proper depth gauge gauging tool and a new chain for the saw cos the shoulders won't take much more of this
buzzy110,
Oct 29, 11:59pm
Do learn how to use the winch on your boat trailer before proceeding to winch on the boat because when you let the handle go without setting up the brake mechanism, to attend to your husband's never ending demands, the boat will try to make its escape back too its natural environment and the winch handle will spin wildly, hitting your hand and wrist many times before you can snatch it away.This will entail many freezing hours sitting in the chilly water with your swollen hand submerged, then several hours driving to the nearest medical facility for x-rays and bandaging. It will completely ruin your holiday.
suie1,
Oct 30, 12:01am
Buy the wrong variety of strawberries & they will be sour & yuk no matter what you do.
dgluved,
Oct 30, 9:22pm
When your partner tells you there's a problem with the back door of your Rav4 and the check strap needs replacing, as when he opens and closes the door there's a new "snapping" sound. Don't rush out and spend $60 on a new one, only to find that when the back door panel is removed, that there is nothing wrong with the existing check strap, and the "thing" creating the noise is actually the cheap plastic tow ball cover (that he also put on without telling you) -is actually sitting too high and is hitting the bottom of the door every time it's opened!
lalbagh,
Oct 31, 3:30am
dont look lovingly at wife instead of at your feet as you step across the framing of the deck you are building. Foot will not land on joist but will miss it, joist will dig deep gouge in leg leaving flap of flesh to be stuck back by doctor. Enforced week of rest will follow instead of deck being completed. Keep this thread alive!
bjkiwi,
Oct 31, 7:02pm
dont try and put windbreak up on a windy day , it will drive you mad, always put the ties on the bottom of the wire fence first - unless you have someone on the other side to feed them back through, and make sure you lock away your hungry calf first otherwise your fingers will have turned to mush from all the sucking by the time you have finished
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